We should break up: should we?

I have always thought that at 30 having a huge baggage of knowledge and experience, we should endure a breakup easier, but turns out, it is not true.

No matter if you are 20 or 30, a “nasty feeling” still lives inside, the feeling when you’re too depressed to eat or sleep. And at the same moment, everything we have done before loses its meaning.

Why do we still continue to torment ourselves after so many breakups? Why it doesn’t get easier to get over the break up even when you’re 30? Or maybe it’s true that 20 years old girls are more manageable to handle it?

I don't think at 20 I have ever considered a new partner to be a potential fiancé. Growing up, I began to look for stability, for a soul mate who will accept me with all my flaws, love the way I am and will simply cover me with a blanket when I’m cold.

It turns out going through a break-up isn't as easy as everyone describes. If you look on the Internet, you will find plenty of advice from psychologists, experts and ordinary people, but nobody can help you to take your pain away. Only you know what works exactly in your situation and how long you need to recover. You can enjoy your favorite hobby as much as you like, make yourself busy with work, hang around with close friends, cry at night listening to old love songs, but no one and nothing will make you feel better immediately.

It might be true that time is the greatest remedy. And if at this moment it seems to you that it won’t be easy, and you are afraid of the unknown, remind yourself of the past. With time everything has improved. You grew up, you became stronger and wiser, you came to conclusions and you healed the wound. 

In my opinion this has nothing to do with age. People tend not only to fall in love, but also to become attached. You can build a high wall to protect yourself and hide from real emotions, but you can't fool your heart.

My first serious relationship lasted for about three years. I would say I recovered pretty quickly. But I have never made it through, I just found a replacement. Eventually my “replacement” turned into a story 2.5 years long. When that relationship ended, I ran away to another country to focus on my job and myself. 

Sometime later I met a new man, much older than myself. I thought he was the one and only and that this relationship would succeed because of the mistakes I learned from the past. But also, this relationship, which has lasted for four years, has come to an end. We even planned to get married. Did I worry about it? Sure, but in my own way. It was also painful for me to move on and start it over again. 

That time I made a promise I would never have a serious relationship again. But you can't force your heart not to fall in love with someone again.

My last 7-months relationship ended because of a stupid reason. Actually, the fact that we are far away from each other now makes it even harder. And in this case, I can say that we are both proud people. I don’t know if it’s good or not to be like us, but I think the best couples split up because somebody was too proud to make the first move. We feel it's easier to overcome pain and start over with a new partner. After all there’s no need for you to admit your mistakes or change yourself. It is always easier to find a new partner.

If I had more courage instead of saying "I'm fine” I would say that I feel terrible. I miss his voice, his look, his "Hello, sunshine". I used to take his messages for granted, but now I would give anything for his "I love you", even if it's just an emoji.

I miss our conversations, his "You're my girl" and his sweet whispers. I used to count the days to his arrival, and now I've been counting the days since we broke up.

Listen, if you are now on a break with your soul mate, realizing that you don't want to lose him or her, make a call, send a message and talk openly about your feelings. Take risks, be in love, make mistakes, apologize, and if it's worthwhile, don't be afraid to be heartbroken. You can change the country, find a new person, but no one knows what that person is going to be.

With age, it's not that simple to find someone of value, it's not that easy to open up to someone. Get rid of your fears and live, live like it is your last day. At least you'll know you gave it a shot.